How hard could it be?

Today is Friday.

I got up early even though I did not have to. It is the first day of my leave. I made it! I went out and got a degree and secured a normal job with normal working hours which includes no more working on weekends, no more working on public holidays, and no more working at night. God is great! I finally get some time off to allow myself to feel and to reflect and count my blessings. I can refocus, re-centre, and re-invigorate. 

These last few weeks have been extremely hard and challenging. Yesterday, I almost fainted in my room I was so dizzy and tired. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I put my heart and soul into this journey. The sending-off on my last shift at the Silo Hotel also took a lot out of me mentally. I was overwhelmed with the effort the staff put in. I will miss the people there dearly. They surprised me with a massive cake with a picture of me in my graduation gown and cap. They gifted me with one of the best gifts ever… a hydration running pack with running socks and an arm sweatband. The speeches and the words touched me and made me feel the love. I hope I inspired them and I got the feeling that I did. I had to fight hard to keep myself together during the entire shift. The next day I slept the whole day and only got up to do my run. I didn’t even manage to complete the run, I was so weak.

Despite my fatigue caused by working 2 jobs, I had to be brave at my new workplace and take on new challenges where I needed to be on point. Besides a few hiccups here and there like sending out quite a few incorrectly dated statements to a client the one time. I gave the best with what I had. I went through the motions. There were days that I felt that I was not good enough to be there.. that I didn’t have what it takes... I wanted to give up and look for something else…. go back to the hospitality industry where it is safe. There were days when I was too scared to go into the office in the morning and I would sit in the car and meditate and listen to motivational speakers on YouTube to just work up the courage to go in. I persevered until finally I felt that the work was manageable and that I would be able to be successful. I am blessed!

I feel that after some respite I will be able to go again. Especially seeing that I have not been feeling myself lately. I have been watching TV a lot. I stopped making my bed and my room was in a mess. It was like going back into my old bad habits. But I had to go there... I got this from running marathons… as where you hit a wall at the end of the race, you offload everything else mentally and only concentrate on the bare minimum to carry you to the end. Maybe it is something that I still need to work on to finish stronger but I am happy with my effort so far. I ran a very good race so far! a race to be proud of!